Change the dialogue and do brave things | Nicole W | Carmichael CA Boudoir Session

Have you ever found yourself inspired or taken off guard by a quote? Someone else's words that were able to strike a chord in your own soul? I think we all have experienced this at some point in our lives; it is just a matter of how we interpret the words in the context of time and space. Here is a recent one for me:

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do” - Brene Brown.

This is something that reminds me of why I am on this journey of self-love and acceptance. We all have our baggage that we carry with us; that voice in the back of our minds that “encourages” the negative dialogue in our own heads about ourselves. However, we do have the power, and ability, to start adjusting the way we see ourselves. We can give the permission necessary to our hearts and minds to be open to loving ourselves. It is there, in that space and mindfulness, that we are really able to begin making changes to the dialogue with ourselves.

Yeah, okay, Nicole…that sounds great and all, but is that something that I can really do? Yes. Yes it is. How am I so sure of it? I have been the woman with nothing but negative thoughts in my head. I could see the beauty in everyone around me but when it came to myself, I would face the day with layers of self-doubt and self-sabotage. The feelings of not being enough or worthy of being xyz thing because I don't fit the “ideal” made themselves a comfortable path inside my brain and stayed with me for a very long time. I don’t remember a time before I was in my 30’s where this was not the feeling and the reality I created for myself to live in. I became a professional at the “fake it til you make it” life - in fact, I think most people who knew me then would not have fathomed the amount of self-loathing that lived inside of my head.

Along the way of living in an almost-maybe-good-enough mindset, I met my husband who never had doubts of my worth and strength, and would try to encourage me along the way. I am not, by any means, saying my inner dialogue changed because of him, but I will say that he did not (and still does not) allow me to let those words escape verbally without acknowledging them. The hardest part has been learning to acknowledge those feelings and thoughts and being mindful in that moment to stop and change them. What triggered that feeling? What is making me doubt myself? Find those deeply seeded doubts and fears and face them.

For me, the hardest part of facing these seeds of doubt was really seeing where they stemmed from and realizing they were deeply rooted in memories from childhood and into adulthood. There was my dad telling me that I could not have one of his cookies because the bag was almost gone- insinuating I was the reason they were gone, when he had his own cookie addiction. There was the day I tried on wedding dresses and my mother told me I needed a dress that covered my arms because she was uncomfortable with them being bare. About fifteen years span these two memories. The latter of which happened over a decade ago, yet they still hurt. I have many examples of growing up overweight and being a heavy adult that have affected the negativity. I am sure anyone who had grown up this way can relate to those feelings of not being thin enough, pretty enough and thusly just not good enough. The fact of the matter is that we are enough and worthy of loving ourselves and being loved by others REGARDLESS of these social pressures.

This is still a journey for me- one that will take years of dedication and practice to retrain my brain. This is the most valuable journey that I have had so far in my life - the ups, downs, twists and turns make this ride through life exhilarating.

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do” - Brene Brown.

Andi tells us (all the time) to do brave things. If learning to love myself is the bravest thing I do in my life, then I think I will be able to overcome the twists and turns with ease. I am blessed in finding my way to an amazing group of women who are all open about their own struggles and encouraging while processing through my own stuff. One of the biggest pieces of me being able to love and accept myself was going through a boudoir session with Andi. The moment I saw my photos, I was in shock. I was able to see myself as a woman who was enough. For the first time in my life, at nearly 33, I felt like I was truly beautiful and allowed myself to embrace that. I will never forget the feeling of relief because I was so concerned about how I would look. The self-doubt came in “how is she going to make me look beautiful? How is she going to make me something that I am not?” The realization that I am beautiful in my own, perfectly imperfect way, hit me hard. We do not need to resemble the cover of a magazine to be accepted, and frankly, the models on the covers don’t look like that in real life.

I implore you to find ways to get out of your comfort zone, see how capable you are, and how much you can do when you stop allowing the negative dialogue of self-doubt dictate the way you navigate this thing we call life.

Nicole W. is an Andi Boudoir Brand Ambassador from Carmichael, California.

Ready to do brave things? Plan your Carmichael CA boudoir session with Andi. Connect with Andi for more information, and book your session at the link HERE

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